HATE IT

I hate having my heart broken.....i loathe it with a passion....especially when the guy breaking it has absolutley no idea what he's doing (or for his sake he'd better not)..........i shouldn't even have fallen for him.....and I did......and now it's been thrown back at my face....all because I wanted to wait....now he's just acting so unlike himself.....doing stuff that i'd pray he didn't do back home........acting ways that are so different from the boy i knew.......but hey, i guess that's what I get for staying away for so long, right?

Trying to Sort!

Okay, this is gonna sound totally random, but it's a whole load of stuff I want to get off my chest!

I like him.........yeah...but I said no, therefore giving him the opportunity to have free picking of whom he wishes......so why does it bug me...the even thought? Make sense at all? Shouldn't, but does.....gaaah.....i know its not the will of the Lord, and i'm staying with God, cause I asked Him to take away my feelings about it if it wasn't His will...but the feelings left, but that sore spot on my heart keeps throbbing away.....so what to do? The feelings seemingly left....but it's still a sore..one that's been there for a long while. So what is it? I think i'm not getting this right...either by thinking the feelings are gone, or for thinking they're still there....

What A Week!!

Okay, so this was the first week of summer band, right? Monday and Tuesday, inside learning music...we got the music sunday night, had to have it memorized and passed off by wednesday...yeah, i did it (go Jesus!), Wednesday and Thursday, PT outside....pushups galore....i still can't get up or raise my arms without wincing!! Good news is we got 5 sets on the field already!! Thursday at lunch, i find out that my Pastor was in a wreck that morning, fell asleep on his way home from work, and ran up against a bridge...you see, he hangs his hand out the window while he drives...wherefore, when he hit the bridge, he shattered his hand. the rotary bones in his left thumb were completley shattered, and he had surgery at 5 to save his hand, which, Praise the Lord, they did save. he's got a metal plate in his hand now, but he starts physical therapy next week, so please keep him in your prayers! Dorcors are predicting a month until he can fully use his hand again, but I know the God who can heal that hand up by morning if He wanted! I'm predicting one to two week time span for God to do something awesome with it! :D we're so thankful he's alive, cause he could've died..and me personally would be lost without Pastor. He's currently the man keeping my car running, not to mention the church! God bless my pastor! This morning, Mudda Teresa's dad passed away...he's been fighting a battle with cancer for a few months now and he lost last night, I know he's in the hand of a merciful God, and the cancer isn't bothering him now. I cant say if anything is. I'm staying here at college an extra day to go to the showing tomorrow night and the funeral saturday night before I go home...keep her in your prayers, please! She's been baptized but doesn't have the Holy Ghost yet, so pray for God to keep hold of her. Tomorrow is the last day of PT (and I am slightly sunburned btw), and i'll be glad to finish up so I can clean up this messy dorm room so Tiffany can move in on Sunday. Strangely, through these trials today and the past few weeks, i haven't really gotten that down...i've just vented, prayed, and moved on with it....God's really been there for me this week, despite my weaknesses, one of which i will NEVER even consider again! I almost missed church wednesday because of a piece of music i had to pass off, but you know what, God took care of it, and I went to church anyway and had a wonderful time! God's just awesome, and I praise Him cause Pastor is okay, and Teresa is gonna be good, and that I survived PT this week (which is one of the worst) and that God works things out awesomely!

anyways, i think i'm gonna try to hit the hay now...God Bless you!

Ah, The Sweet Smell of College!

So, I'm taking time out of this hectic schedule of mine to make a quick post about being back at college!! We moved in yesterday (Sunday) and band practice started today, I'm so glad to be back, and I missed everybody, but at the same time, I can't wait to get home for the weekend to get back to my church! i DID miss the friends I had here at UAM though! anyways, this is totally random and i'm going to bed now cause i've gotta be up at seven thirty in the morning to get ready for rehersal!!

God Bless!!

Struggle

Okay, so being caught in the struggle is bad....well, it feels bad right now anyways, but I know something good will come of it eventually. I woke up this morning just feeling like blah....and it's been a struggle! My dreams last night were kinda wacky...the kind of dreams where innocent little kids eyes flare red and they speak in really really deep voices while the room gets hazy...yeah, those kind of wacky dreams. I know it's just spiritual oppression, but i hate the feeling! Mom called this morning just to tell me that I needed to talk to my dad about having Joe help work on my car so we could all go to magic springs together saturday, and that I needed to go visit my grandpa more instead of just showing up when I needed something....ouch! It got me to thinking, and reality reared it's ugly head.....i DO only go see Papa when I need something...i don't know if it's just the fact of going in the liquor store to see him (he owns it) or if i'm just avoiding him for whatever reason, but she was right, and i need to start seeing him more. But that got me to thinking too...what about all these friends and people i told i'd come and see this summer that I have YET to hang out with? There's Sis. Leach, Natalie, Jessica, Melissa, Kelsey, Krista....the list goes on and on....and i only have four days left before I leave...and a car that's not exactly set to drive at the moment...so do I start hanging out with them on the weekend? will I have the gas? i dunno!!! This is one thing that will just have to play itself out...i'm gonna wait for school to start to go see Papa though....after the fight the other day, i'll lay low for a while. I do know that God is good though, and i do know that He will see me through and hold my hand and guide me in His will. Just keep me in your prayers!

God Bless!

Free Credit Report Dot Com

Okay, so i'm guessing that everybody with a television or a radio has heard a Free Credit Report Dot Com commercial, right? Has anybody ever actually stopped to listen to what they're saying? Take the dream girl one........"Well I married my dream girl, I married my dream girl, but she didn't tell me her credit was bad, so now instead of living in a pleasant suburb, we're living in the basement at her mom and dad's, no we can't get a loan, for a respectable home, just because my girl defaulted on some old credit card, if we'd gone to free credit report dot com, i'd be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard." So here's the question for this one........would somebody actually call off an engagement or a wedding because one party has bad credit? Think about it...if somebody was deeply and madly in love, to his "dream girl", and he found out she had horrible credit, would he dump her because they can't buy a house jointly? Couldn't he just use his credit to get the house or the loan and have both make payments on it and sign a prenup? I mean come on, use some common sense! Then the pirate one "They say a man should always dress for the job he wants, so why'm i dressed up like a pirate in this restaraunt? It's all because some hacker stole my identity, now i'm in here every evening serving chowder and iced tea. Shoulda gone to free credit report dot com (Yehaw) i could've seen this coming at me like an atom bomb, they monitor your credit and send you email alerts, so you don't end up selling fish to tourists in T-shirts" OKay................so why is he working at a corny version of red lobster? Let's just say this guy has a MBA and somebody stole his identity....would he have to take on another job to pay off the debt or do you seriously think he'd get fired because his identity was stolen? This jingle implies that this was the only job he could get...so i don't get it! The last one, however, is a little more believable. "I was shoppin for a new car, which one's me, a cool convertible or an SUV. Too bad I didn't know my credit was whack cause now i'm drivin off the lot in a used sub-compact F-R-E-E that spells free, credit report dot com baby" Okay, so bad credit caused him to get a crappy car.........would checking the website ahead of time helped him get a better car? If your credit stinks, your credit stinks, and there's nothing a report can do about it...so why would that change the fact he got a banged-up blue geo metro?

Those are my thoughts for the day....some inspired by a conversation with Yvonne at Huddle House at who knows what time at night. Whaddya think?

Ash

I Love God So Much!!

Service tonight was AMAZING!!!! Actually, all day was tubular. This morning in service, we just praised and praised and praised...lol, we actually missed sunday school. Tonight was just as incredibly awesome, Joe almost got the Holy Ghost...he just has to learn to yield to what the Holy Ghost wants and he'll get it! We had prayer meeting before night services (ya know, gas being so high and the fact that nobody from the church in Bearden actually lives in Bearden)..and it was so sweet!! Adrionna (3) and Haylie (turned 2 today) were praying with us. I had Haylie in my lap and she got down when Bro. Adam got in the "prayer chair" and put her little hand on his knee and scrunched up her face and prayed for him, then saw his wife sitting in the floor with her hand on his foot, and put her hand on his foot and kept praying, and then back on his knee with her scrunced face. it was so sweet!!!! Adrionna kept getting back up in the chair and saying "pray for me!" and was going up and laying hands on people and praying for them too, it was so sweet!!

Okay, so here's just a little background information. I go to the Lighthouse of Hope Apostolic church of Bearden, Arkansas. We're really really tiny and we're independent (meaning not UPC, ACJC, ALJC, PAW, or anything else). We usually run somewhere around 20 people. There's my pastor and his wife (aka, Pastor and Mama Givens) and their daughter Suzie, who is also my bestest friend ever. They have a son named James Jr who is married to Jodie recently and has 4 stepkids now, Blake, Bryce, Briar, and Brennan (Jodie's first marraige). Then there's Courtney and Adam, married for 7 years, i think...Courtney was married to Mama Givens nephew and he was adulterous, so they split and she married Adam. Adam is the adopted son of Bro. George, who sits in the back all the time. Next is Joe and Cassie, Joe is Pastor and Mama Givens nephew, he's still trying to get the Holy Ghost, he's only been in church a year, and Cassie is Suzie's friend from ages ago and my friend too. She backslid and got pregnant with Adrionna (Adrie) and she's back in church now, doing wonderfully, They're married and have another daughter, Haylie, (Hayhay) and another on the way, she's due in January. They're madly in love, even though they fight like an old married couple. I'm friends with both Joe and Cassie and i absolutley love babysitting the girls. My nickname Kakkawee came from haylie who couldn't say my name right. She can say it now, but the name stuck. Anyway, in continuance, There's me, who has been in church for three years and my mother who has been in church almost one year now. Tiffany, my college roommate and Sisterhood sister, has had the Holy Ghost three weeks now and comes occasionally when she can, and lastly, but certianly not leastly, Mother Teresa and Bro. Eddie.....we call her Mother Teresa (or more appropriatley Mudda Resa) cause Sister Teresa sounded so strange and she suggested it so it stuck!. They're in and out, and i don't i've ever seen a couple so plagued by bad things!. That's another story though. We have more that come and go, but i'll talk about them later. We're just a little home missions church in the middle of this little podunk town, which i love even though i don't live there.

I think that's all i'll write for now. Later!