World Turned Over

my world as i knew it turned topsy turvy tonight. the life I knew back home doesn't exist anymore...and i know why. i didn't cause it, but i was a partaker in it of sorts, an accomplice so to speak...an innocent person who knew what she was doing and realized what the outcome could possibly be if she went through with it, and went through with it for the sake of another's supposed happiness....now our worlds are destroyed in the fashion we once knew them....i've seen another side to people i knew tonight.....i know so much to say, yet I remain silent for the sake of i know i won't be heard when my small voice rises above the tumult. my time was about up anyway and my work just about done. my love will remain the same for those who have nurtured me for so long, but my path now seems to lead me away to a new life of sorts. my mind is so restless tonight...my world has come to an abrupt end.........and now a new one forms.....Jesus, all I can ask is that You mold this one according to Your perfect plan and perfect will. take out what You want gone and put in what You'd rather me have. I trust You.....though you slay me....yet I will trust you...

Thoughts

Here I sit...meditating on the glory of the Lord.....I'm so torn and numb at this moment.....all I can do is cry for the God i'm unworthy of. I feel dark inside...and I need His light once more...spent a while in the arms of Christ...the love that covers sin...no greater love have I ever known...you consider me your friend..........I love Jesus....and I come to the point where my love for Jesus must outweigh my love for my fiancee.....yes, i am having problems with that, i'm human. the Holy Ghost doesn't make you invincible...but it gives you the power to fight. Things will work out, i know...i'm just standing on unsteady ground right now...

Tired of Thinking

The difference between toeing the line and crossing it.....the fine gray line in the fog dividing our lives......the line that could be crossed in an instant.
I once had my heart. I shared it with you.....I loved you with everything in it that I could.....then I had to tear my heart away from you because it wasn't supposed to be yours thas time...part of it stayed with you, and I held on to the broken shards for dear life....convinced that I could function with only part of me........then came another who promised to make it whole again....so i gave him control of what was left of me......what was left he all but destroyed in the mire and left for me to find again.....so i searched for every bit of eight months for the shattered fragments of the girl I once was....and finally convinced myself that these were all the pieces I had left. now i've found me again..and consequently....You have re-entered my life...bringing the rest of my heart...and those pieces of mine.....you shattered once more, but painlessly.....and used what you had of me and what else I had.....and re-made my heart and offered it back to me......i wanted you to keep it, it's yours....and it has always been so, despite my stubborn insistances of otherwise.
We destroyed what we had last time......and that past tried to arise once more to rear its ugly head, but we defeated it....won this battle....with the promise that this battle will never be fought again. I confide all of me with you.....everything that God allows me to give. I love you more than more than mostest of most than chicken loves waffles with mozerella sticks and dr pepper, more than juliet loved Romeo.......I just want you. I could care less about a ceremony...proper ettiquite....the white dress........the flowers......i'd give it all up if I knew it'd keep me from you. Help me to focus with you......so our eyes remain on just one thing........My Saviour, My God, My Jesus. you took the pieces of me and made them whole again, only because of the Lord.......I am yours...all He will allow, its yours. Take all of me as you give all of you............i want this.....i love you