Hiya!!!

okay, i know, i know, i haven't posted anything in a loong while..i apologize profusely to start with, and now I shall begin to type in some of the things in the midst of my mind (like the alliteration?)

First, i'm loving sophomore year! last semester was really good, i made the dean's list, and this semester i'm striving for all A's, like I promised granny. but while i'm doing this, i'm also planning a wedding, trying to find a job, keeping practiced on the clarinet, functioning with first band, playing this addicting game my fiancee gave me called Morrowind, pledging Lady Knights, going to church, keeping prayed up, and maintaining a social life, all while breathing. amazing, huh? :P

The wedding plans are coming along okay. there's not much I can to until spring break when i finally start shopping for stuff, and weekend after next when I get mama marie to go with me to the consignment shop in camden to see if she can alter that dress for me. I promise I believe that its the perfect dress. the only problem is the top. it's too small and it needs sleeves of some sort for modest purposes, but other than that it's perfect. Aunt Tammie is buying my dress for me, Praise God, which takes a load off my shoulders. my refund is only gonna give me about 1200 to spend on the wedding, which is okay if Granny and Papa will pay for the food for the reception and the bridesmaids pay for their dresses, which they are cause they're making their own. This will work, in Jesus name!! :)

I'm really excited to be pledging Lady Knights too, i just found out tonight that i have been accepted as a pledge, which is awesome cause i've wanted to be a Lady Knight since I heard about them, i just never did cause I knew my church wouldn't accept it, now since recieving the boot, so to speak, i have a little more freedom to do what I want. They're part of the reason I didn't pledge last semester....that and it was a frat...which pertained to men...and i'd be wearing what pertained to a man (Deut. 22:5) so i'd be :P anyway. I'm stoked, just kinda unhappy that pledge activities are on wednesday nights, but they're the hour before church, so it's not so bad...just kinda frustrating cause we get through at seven, and i'm apparently going to get dirty at this activity, so i might be a little scruffy for church. hopefully Shane will have his truck finished getting fixed by then. I think he's gonna pledge Knights though.......if he decides to miss part of church, and if they'll let him go first. I don't know as much about Knights as I do Lady Knights, but i know that he doesn't really want to miss church for that. but yeah...i'm stoked!!!

lastly, the church situation has cleared a little. Suz is still out of church, enjoying her freedom. our friendship will never be what it was again, more than likely, but i'm glad we're still friends. i've gained a little freedom. her mother sent a "hello" with her last time i went down, which i think if she's gonna say hi then she should re-add me on Facebook after deleting me from her friends. but that's just me. i'll accept it, but i'm pretty sure i'm getting the same treatment as Mandy and Halana got when they left...only difference is, i didn't leave of my own free will, though they're probably making it out to be like that. ya know he didn't even show up when cassie's new baby was born? now if they had to work then I understand, but a pastor's job is to be with the people from his church, especially one as small as ours. I think it's kinda crappy if a pastor won't show up to a baby's birth because the parents have a friend there that he doesn't like....

anyway, God is still good, i had the money provided to me to be there at Krysten Nicole's birth on Monday, got to spend time with my girls, see some old friends, and spend time with Jesus. :) I don't think i'd ever trade what I have for anything in this world. God is just so much greater than everything else, bigger than all my problems, stronger than my deepest fears and greatest fights. I'm glad He chose me!

Empty Me

I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.

I've had just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.

Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you. So, I surrender all!

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me



Jesus...I want to be empty of everything that is me. completley and totally void of anything that lets me exist. i'm tired of fighting me for control of me....i just want to be a vessel of God's and nothing else...yet my flesh keeps returning me to the same sin over and over and over again...i'm tired of fighting the same battle, knowing that as soon as i repent and get back up i'll wind up making the same mistake again next month....and this is gonna go on an on until that is sin no more........................................................if i can't fix it by then...then is it worth it? am I really doing what God wants me to do? really and truly? i've been so convinced so many times only to find that what I thought was what God wanted for me really wasn't...even now i'm not convinced i'm totally and completley in what God wants for me....so how do I find out?...i'm so sick of making the same mistake twice...so must I eliminate the cause or overcome it?