The In - Between

so, since getting the boot from home *being my home church* i'm what's referred to as "the in-between"

it's different....ever since i started church i've always had a home, and now suddenly i find myself expelled from the fire to the cold (so to speak). I went back to Smackover on Sunday, my first home, and rather enjoyed myself. It was foreign to me, like the needle feels when I give blood, strange sticking out of my arm, but so much a part of me at the moment. It felt like going back to the fire though.....and i need that fire. That fire's the only thing keeping my grounded at the moment.....but I planned my life somewhat around my home...knowing someday that I was going to have to leave, but never expected it to be this soon.....since Tuesday a week ago, i've been on the outside looking in as far as church is concerned....I know where I stand as far as the Lord is concerned, but what about the family I once claimed? As Bro. Williams put it, i've become the scapegoat so to speak, even though i was wrong, i get the blunt end of both sides of the act. welcome to life. I'm not sure if i'm a member here or not...i asked to be put on the list, but i don't know if i'm there or not. I'm going to be in Smackover again on sunday, and i'm sure the rumors have already been buzzing wildly about me going straight there, but I don't care. I'm not sowing discord, and i'm acting like everything's alright....it's not opposition to my pastor to go anymore because as was blatantly stated in my phone call "I am not your pastor."

It's just a rough time at the moment....so many things swirling around and so many opportunities within my grasp. I've already taken one that was within my reach...i'm not happy about the fact of missing a week's worth of services total for it, but I need the money. I don't know where this path Jesus has me on is going to lead....but I know that He'll be there by my side through thick and thin. I'll have Him, and a wonderful support group of friends and Saints who will pray for me (cause Lord knows I need it at the crossroads). I'll keep you updated and thanks for everything!